Sunday, March 3, 2013

Those are Strings Pinnocio

If you are twenty-four and living in Happy Valley Utah you are considered "old". Maybe not "spinster" old yet but give it a couple more years and you might as well buy some cats move into a little pink cottage and take up knitting.

So if you are nearing the age of knitting needles and fur covering every surface of your house, all the people that know you decide it is their personal duty to find you a man. He doesn't have to be cute, intelligent, interesting, or even that likable. As long as he is male, breathing, and single he is "Perfect". Hence the invention of the Blind Date.

Oh yes. The wonderful creation that makes everyone feel like they can be a Yenta. For those of you not familiar with this term it is a Jewish woman who matches up people to be married.
I have sadly been the recipient of these more often then any one person should.

Older, younger, taller, shorter, boring, crazy, scary, dull you name it I've dated it. There have been a few good ones, but that is the exception not the rule. The majority of these dates have been terrible. I have learned to develop an attitude of amusement. If a date is bad then I make it into an entertaining story later on. Bad date stories are always crowd pleasers at a party.

But bad dates are not the real problem. The annoying weird man you had to endure a few hours with isn't nearly as bad as telling the third party who brought you two together that you really have no desire to ever see their relation, best friend, husband's brother, etc. ever again. How do you ever tactfully tell someone that you have no interest in this person that they clearly like?

Or by chance you go out with their relation, best friend, husband's brother, etc. and you do enjoy yourself, then they are invested in your relationship.

This is in many ways worse then telling them you are not interested. Because now they are going to see that, and they are going to work harder to push you in the direction of white dresses and tuxes.

"So and so really loves surprise texts! You should text him!"
"So and so would love you to make him some cookies! I have recipe you should make it!"
"So and so would love a hand written letter! You should write him one!"
"So and so would love the moon why don't you fly up there and bring it down for him!"

Okay the last one was a bit extreme but you get the gist. Perhaps some people actually enjoy being told how to please someone. Perhaps they like advice on how to go forward in a relationship. But I am not a puppet I need no puppeteer. I have been independently thinking, taking care of my self, and existing for many years.

I have never been one for advice. I don't ask for it because I won't take it and I don't want to hurt people's feelings when I refuse advice. So by not asking for it I am clearly showing that I can do it myself. Even if I can't. But then if I can't well then there is no one to blame but me.

There are two out comes with getting advice:
1. It doesn't work and you wind up looking stupid. You not them.
2. It does work and the advice giver patronizes you with that "look I was right" speech.

Thanks but no thanks. I was born a real person not a puppet and I will handle my own relationships on my own. After all bicycles were only made with two wheels you add a third and it disrupts the balance. Relationships will never work if the third party insists on being part of it. You brought us together we had a good time now back off and let us handle things from here. If we marry and have ten children then we will remember you in the wedding toast. If we break up in two weeks we will just chalk it up to another failed attempt. But either way I can handle this WITHOUT the extra input!

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